Little Girl Dreams, Big Girl Dreams

You hear it all the time: Every little girl dreams about growing up, falling in love with a handsome prince, and getting married.

But then little girls grow up and dreams evolve into something a little more… complicated.

All of a sudden we are 25 years old, and we’ve seen some things. We are no longer looking simply for a prince, but now for a good-looking, gainfully employed, DECENT human being who:

  1. Loves us unconditionally
  2. Doesn’t mind our flaws
  3. Cooks gourmet meals every night
  4. Cleans like there is no tomorrow
  5. Rubs our feet (every once in a while)
  6. Buys us flowers (every once in a while)
  7. Carries his own weight (all the time, please)
  8. Has the same house/babies/travel/babies timeline and expectations, and…
  9. Doesn’t snore

But then you find the love of your life, and it doesn’t matter that the only thing they can operate in the kitchen is the microwave, their shoes are everywhere ALL THE TIME, sometimes you have to pick up their slack, and they aren’t sure about the whole house/babies/travel/babies thing because, well, MONEY.

But let’s be honest, you’re only half-decent-looking, finding a job is harder than you thought it would be, you burn everything you cook, you leave YOUR shit all over the house ALL THE TIME, and you’re not even sure you want the house/babies/travel/ohmigodwaitbabies/all-I-want-is-to-quit-my-job-and-travel thing at all anymore because, well, QUARTER LIFE CRISIS.

All the things you thought you wanted don’t matter anymore because after all the frogs you kissed, here he (or she, for heaven’s sake!) is here in front of you, being all perfectly imperfect, and that’s just fine with you, and you’re all like #ithinkiwannamarryyou.

Oh, marriage. That’s a sweet idea.

But marriages usually mean weddings, and what a gargoyle that is. What used to be a sweet little fairytale playing in your head has now transformed into a monstrous beast. Now that dream must be living, breathing, and perfect or you might as well not have a wedding at all. And then there is the adjective-of-all-adjectives: PINTEREST-WORTHY. There will be no compromising, negotiating, sticking to the budget, or anything less than impeccable about it, or pretty little heads will roll. With the wedding industry constantly upping the bar with ever more ridiculous, more spectacular, more “they did what?!?!”… Well, it’s getting harder and harder to measure up.

And the holy grail of  wedding perfection? The Knot, obvi.

The online mecca of anything and everything nuptial receives submissions for ceremony after reception after elopement after happily ever after, so to make it onto their Real Weddings feature seems like a pipe dream to most.

So imagine my surprise when we made it.

Yes, WE MADE IT ON THE KNOT.

Behold…

A Cheerful Yellow Wedding at Greengate Ranch & Vineyard in San Luis Obispo, CaliforniaThe KnotSweet, sweet validation for the hard work, the stress, and loving each other enough to still get married after 13 months of wedding planning.

It’s not often that we receive this kind of acclaim over here on Do(hot mess)ticated, so let us rejoice in this fleeting victory.

Pin away, bitches!

PIN. A. WAY.

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Grain-Free Cauliflower Crust Pizza

Okay, WHOA everyone. WHOA.

When I invited Kelly over to try our hands at cauliflower pizza crust, we fully intended to post the finished product on Insta and the FB in an effort to boost our Pinterest-worthy reputations. But what we didn’t expect was the amazing amount of requests for the recipe!

As you may know, I’ve been slowly trying to find grain-free alternatives to my favorite comfort foods, and it’s been helping so much with the previously unfortunate state of my stomach. When I first switched I just went to gluten-free brands like Glutino and Udi’s, which are both amazing and highly recommended, but still had trouble staying off the flour. The more I read, the more I found, and thanks to the discovery of Danielle Walker of Against All Grain, as well as the wonders of almond flour and coconut flour, I’ve ventured into the intimidating world of grain-free (albeit not exclusively). One thing I missed: PIZZA. Well, with Pinterest abuzz with so many veggie-based crusts, it was time to figure out whether said bases were only the stuff of the Pinterest Gods, or whether those of us who are a domestic hot mess could pull it off as well.

Verdict: Pretty easy, and pretty worth it.

So without further ado, here is our accidentally-on-purpose, super easy, ad-libbed version of Grain-Free Cauliflower Crust.

Grain-Free Cauliflower Crust

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Makes 2 personal size crusts (recommended) or 1 large crust

Ingredients:

  • 1 head of cauliflower
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 cup parmesan cheese
  • 4 tablespoons Italian seasoning (such as McCormick)

Directions:

  1. Preheat oven to 400ºF.
  2. Wash cauliflower, and let dry fully.
  3. Chop roughly into small pieces.
  4. In a food processor or blender (I used my Nutribullet, but next time I’ll use my Vitamix), pulse the cauliflower pieces until a rough paste-like consistency forms.
  5. Transfer the cauliflower onto a glass bowl. (Sides will scrape easily with a spoon.)
  6. Add eggs, cheese, and seasoning, and combine. Mixture will appear wet.
  7. Form two balls for personal size pizzas or one ball for a large pizza, and place on a non-stick baking sheet lined with parchment paper. (From experience, we decided that we preferred the two smaller pizzas for several reasons: for more crispy edges, for less wet/limp middles, and most importantly, for easier transfer off of the parchment paper… that was an ordeal!)
  8. Press the cauliflower mixture into parchment to form thin crust in desired shape. (Not thinking this would go up in a post, you will see we went with the indeterminate, lop-sided, too-hungry-to-function choice.)
  9. Using a paper towel, firmly press middle of crust to remove excess moisture from cauliflower.
  10. Bake for 15 minutes at 400ºF.
  11. Remove from the oven. Using a large spatula (such as my handy Omelette-Pancake Spatula from Crate&Barrel), lift pizzas to remove parchment paper and replace directly on non-stick baking sheet.
  12. Load up pizzas with you favorite toppings! We chose no-sugar-added pizza sauce, a bit Italian blend shredded cheese since there is already parmesan in the crust, spinach, green bell peppers, and gluten-free Casual Gourmet Sweet Italian Style Chicken Sausage that I found at Costco and LOVE. Another fave would be switch out the traditional sauce for pesto, then layer with Italian blend shredded cheese, sun-dried tomatoes, basil, and goat cheese crumbles.
  13. Bake for 12-15 minutes, or until outer edged turn golden.
  14. Remove from oven and let cool for a few minutes. Slice, serve, and BOOM grain-free, delish cauliflower crust pizza!

So there you have it! This recipe did end up being an original, inspired by but deviating quite a bit from a Pinterest post we found, mostly out of sheer laziness or lack of tools. (Sorry I don’t have a CHEESECLOTH, universe.) That said, if you decided to try it and have any suggestions or successful tweaks, please let me know in the comments! In the meantime, may your tastebuds and (more importantly) you tummies be happy and clean!

xo