Apparently This Is How It Works

Little girls have big dreams. We dream of being veterinarians. Or movie stars. Or in my case, marine biologist/ballerina/pop star/soccer players who have big houses and lots of ice cream. We dream of graduating from college, having amazing clothes and big bank accounts. We dream of meeting someone who sweeps us off our feet, makes us complete, and will be our best friend for life.

Well, what the manual doesn’t tell us is that some dreams do come true, but probably not the way we planned. When fairy tales meet real life, it’s messy, frightening, and beautiful. Those dreams come in fast, and whether or not we have our shit together doesn’t matter. You sure as hell better be ready to swing, because life is only pitching fastballs.

This is how it happened to me:

So I’m going about my business, having best friends like these and nights like this.

There were nights that started like this…

…and ended like this.

I graduated from college. I traveled Europe. I had big girl jobs, like teaching kindergarten and working as an advertising account executive. And when those big girl jobs didn’t turn out like I hoped they would, I did what any smart, ambitious, self-preserving  young woman would do and voluntarily went back to hell… er, grad school.

Then I met Billy and fell in love.

HARD.

And we’ve just had the time of our lives.

I finished my first year of grad school.

And Bill and I moved in together.

And then he asked really important questions.

And we smile about it. A lot.

But now strange things are happening. I am engaged to my live-in fiance. I cook dinner. I clean my house. I get excited about organizing and wedding planning and grocery shopping, and I squeal when I go into Bed Bath and Beyond.

But also…

I am in grad school. (Read: class, homework, full-time internships, horrible pay, zero sleep, too much coffee, general insanity.)

My house is a disaster.

I am broke.

And I mean BROKE.

And I am happy.

Life is happening. It doesn’t quite look like I expected. BUT – it’s actually better than I ever imagined, and in my heart and in my soul and in my mind, I am so ready for all of this. But do I look like I’m ready on the outside?

Hardly.

But frankly, I prefer life to be a little messy.

Especially if that mess is a hot one.

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