Stumbled across this last night. As far as I can tell, this is amazing advice for the first 15 years of marriage, not to mention a great humbling reminder of what is really important during a time when the stresses of wedding planning can lead to petty arguments and tension.
Speaking of, Bill and I have been arguing a bit, and about cake of all things. Sounds ridiculous, right? Well, it doesn’t feel ridiculous at this moment in time. I know, I know – first world problems and all that. But just because it sounds trivial doesn’t mean there weren’t two nights this week that I went to bed beyond irritated. Livid even. And while most say doing so is not a good idea, I have to agree with Lydia Netzer’s #1 tip for keeping marriage alive: go to bed mad. Sure, it took awhile to fall asleep. Yes, I left for work in the morning without speaking to him. (Okay, so Bill wasn’t even awake yet, but just the principle of leaving without a word made me feel better.) And by lunchtime the day after our fight, I was able to compose this:
“So as I was sprinting from my 10 am meeting at Career Services to my 11 am presentation for Study Abroad this morning, I realized something… I am exhausted. Like want-to-curl-up-in-my-cozies, shut-out-the-world-and-cry, I’m-never-coming-out-of-my-hole exhausted. That’s probably where all the tears of last weekend are coming from – small frustrations building on top of each other and amplified into overwhelming issues. I’m not discounting any of the points I’ve been making, and I think some of my feelings are valid, but I do want to thank you for being supportive and patient enough to sit down and talk about things. Reason #3487 I can’t wait to marry you.
(Reason #3486 is so we can finally stop arguing about cake.)”
We both felt better for the rest of the day. And even though we just stupid argued over stupid cake all over again when I got home, and I went to bed mad yet again, neither of us said anything hurtful or regrettable. Not such a bad alternative.
So maybe it’s not such terrible advice. And in case you didn’t catch it the first time…
‘“’Let not the sun go down upon your wrath’ is prefaced in the Bible by the phrase ‘Be angry and sin not.’ So, who’s to say it doesn’t mean ‘Stay angry, bitches. Don’t let the sun go down on that awesome fierce wrath of yours.’ Seriously.”